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Where the fuck is...Cleveland, Ohio?
When my parents decided to move to the US, I had no idea where I was
moving to. I was told by my father not to mention "we're moving" to the neighbours, but I let everyone at school know I was moving to the USA. I had absolutely no clue where Cleveland was, other than it was in a state called "Ohio". During geography class one day (in England), we went to the school library and had to locate various cities around the world for the assignment of the day. I grabbed an atlas, and basically said "screw the assignment" and located Cleveland, Ohio. I proudly pointed out to my classmates, where I would be calling home, in a few months. My geography teacher, Mr.Kelly*(who, looked like a poor man's Elton John), did not seem very impressed, when I told him that I was leaving the country and he can shove his geography. Mr Kelly was a short, balding creature who passed himself off as a teacher(he should've got cast in Pink Floyd's "The Wall"). It was "his way" or the highway. He was the only teacher EVER to give homework over the summer vacation, because he knew you'd have to take his next geography class in September. I recall one time right before a two week teachers strike, he gave us a ten page essay to write for his class, just to give us "something to do" in our "strike time" off. Up until my last day in school, Mr. Kelly hounded me, he never believed I was emigrating. The last thing I remember him saying was "I'll see you monday...as usual". My response, oh...Mr Kelly, you're moving to Cleveland too?" I'd bet you all the money in the world, Mr Kelly as a geography teacher, couldn't have found Cleveland, Ohio on a map within twenty minutes if his life depended on it. Mr.Kelly. You're still short and still bald and probably at retirement age by now. But I have lived in Cleveland, Ohio, USA, for twenty five years. I guess I get the last laugh... you piece of shit bastard! Come on over and visit. I know my size thirteen boot will fit up your arse! :P *Real name used here...as I don't give a rat's behind. Alperton High School 1977-80. |
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